Sunday, April 15, 2012

The “Radical” “Dater"

I found myself sitting at a table all wide eyed. My chin is resting on my hands and a smile is across my face waiting in anticipation for the next part of the story. A young couple telling me how they met. The ins and outs and what led to them meeting. Sometimes it’s a blind date, sometimes it’s through friends. All sorts of stories cross my path.
Joy then flows out of them as they look at each other, deeply in love, telling me about their glorious wedding day. They cover every last detail, from the excitement that hit them their wedding day morning, to the scent of the flowers, the color of the wedding and the thoughts that fled their mind as they stood in front of all their friends and family, vowing themselves to each other.

“This was by far the BEST (as they each overly emphasized this word) day of my life” This was something they would all say.

All the sudden the mood starts to change as I ask them about their past, If they were in relationships before?.. or if they did anything they regret and wish they could change? So often, an awkward mellowness floods the room as they share their past with me. Never once have I met someone who, when I asked this, said that they wish had they dated and slept around with more people. This is something they (many different couples) look back at their past and regret. Words that tend to leave their mouth… “I wish I would have never dated” or “I wish I waited for my future spouse” or “Why Did I give away my heart and time on them”, “ My marriage could be so much stronger and more beautiful if I didn’t have all that baggage”

The truth that was already made real to me was confirmed...we get one chance to find that person to spend the rest of our life with… We can’t mess it up because of our desires or impatience.
I also learned that the closest thing the in bible to dating was prostitution. True fact.
So often we convince ourselves that there is no one out there that will have this view, so we don’t take hold of it ourselves. Guess what? That’s a lie, God has that person already picked out and when they have this same view, it will help raise your expectations to the next level….and pick them out of the crowd.

Want some Hope? Read about the first Love story and how God worked it out. Genesis 2

Vs. 18- “It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him”

Now, this verse is speaking of man, but I believe it applies to both man and women. The point I got out of this is …God does not expect you to live life alone- He did not make you to live life alone.
But God didn't just see that man was alone and know that he needed a helper and then not do anything about it. We serve a God far too great for that.

Vs. 21- “So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up the place in the flesh.”

There are a few KEY things you can take out of this verse.
You. You are dreaming of that special person. You have expectations and characteristics you expect to see. You may merely dream about them while you sleep. You could almost look at Adam doing this same thing. While he was in a DEEP sleep and could have very well been dreaming of that “special someone” God promised him. God was creating his future wife. He was forming her, working out Adams desires….While he was sleeping.
Another key point to get out of this is that- Eve was made from Adams Rib. Adam was not in his entirety without her. Same thing goes for you. You will not be in your entirety till you meet this ONE special person and are made one (marriage). Why try to find that other part of you when the Lord is merely creating them, and will merely work it out to his Good? Be patient and wait on the Lord.
And Girls – God designed the Man to find you, don’t go out looking.

Vs. 25 – “Man and Women were both naked and were not ashamed.”

Man and women were naked. – Open with each other, honest, up front…And they were not ashamed. Your future spouse is someone you can be open with. Honest with. You don’t need to hide anything from them.

Want to read a Love story about a Man who waited on the Lord to bring him his wife? A man who didn't go out and date all these other girls, A man who had faith and patience in his God and in the End was brought a prized jewel? Read Genesis 24. It talks about Isaac and Rebekah.  AMAZING Love story.

God is faithful.
God has made a promise to you.
God does not tend to leave you alone.
God does not act differently now than he did in the bible, he is never changing. So don’t let yourself think that he can’t still work things out now like he did then. Never lack faith that God will work it out by just being patient and waiting on him.

If you aren’t completely satisfied with being Alone (single) and just relying on your God, You are not ready for a relationship. Complete satisfaction in God comes first. That’s what makes for a healthy, biblical relationship….The foundation.

Young kids- If you take on this belief of faith in your God and live a radically different life, You WILL get criticized for it. You will be told that God doesn’t work like that. Be radical. Be different. Be…Biblical. This blog post is not an inspirational speech on dating for you. It is all biblical. Something that is merely impossible to contain or find satisfaction in without a true relationship with the Lord. I am not saying all ‘Believers’ will hold this view, I am saying that the joy and peace that come with this view can’t be understood or granted to one who does not have a personal relationship with the Lord.

A challenge that I took upon myself and I think every reader should as well….
Get a piece of paper…But not any old piece of paper. Get a really nice, special piece of paper. On one side of the paper, write a letter to the Lord. Tell him how in love with him you are. How patiently you are going to wait on him. How you have Faith that He WILL (and he really will) Lead your spouse to you. Then, on the other side of that same piece of paper, write a letter to your future spouse. Tell them how eagerly you await their arrival. How you will (if you really, honestly will) wait for them -to give them the whole package, with your heart and body entirely there, just for them.  Then, save the letter for them and whether the day you get engaged or the night of your wedding, give it to them, Showing your ‘Before meeting them commitment’ and patient, committed Love toward them. It will be a special time.

Then, Pray. - - -Pray for strength, love, and satisfaction from the Lord to fill you and flood you.

Have faith, Brother.
Have faith, Sister.
We serve a BIG God.


  1. Sarah, this is so beautifully written from your heart. How true this is. Waiting patiently on the Lord is so important. His timing is ALWAYS right. God bless you in all that you do and say and may you always be in the center of God's will for your life. You will never regret taking the stand that you do.

  2. Beautiful! An amazing post. I hope lots of young people will read it.

    You are a special person Sarah. (So is your Mom.)
    Love to you, and to your wonderful family.


    PREACH IT SISTER! I pray that a lot of people read this. People need to hear this stuff, but honestly, whats more is that the Holy Spirit would convince them that this is truth. I heard stuff like this for years, but it was the Holy Spirit that convinced me of it finally.

    "If you aren’t completely satisfied with being Alone (single) and just relying on your God, You are not ready for a relationship. Complete satisfaction in God comes first. That’s what makes for a healthy, biblical relationship….The foundation." AWESOME. bottom line right there.

    oh and yeah, Genesis 24 is awesome stuff. I wrote a song about it. haha

  4. Thanks you @Linda and the reader above her. I love that you constantly read my blog. So encouraging. :)

    @Cody- Oh MY soul. I couldn't agree with you more at what you wrote when you said, this was something you were always taught and the Holy spirit convinced you, and what you said about the Holy spirit convincing anyone who reads. That Is the only way anyone will get anything biblical is by the Spirit, Which God has left us, Revealing it to us. So Good~ Thanks for the read. :)

  5. Hi, Sarah! What an encouraging blog post! I too am waiting on God to bring me a husband in His time, without me going to look for him. How true it is that you never wish you had given your heart away, but you will wish that you had saved yourself for your husband alone. Isn't it great that the One you trust to bring a husband is completely capable of bringing you His very best for you? Thanks for sharing this!

  6. i loved most of your post sarah:) i've met your mom at previous relevant conferences and found her to be delightful. you seen a lot like her:) i do need to take issue with one statement you made b/c it affects a lot of people who may have made a different choice from yours.

    dating (at least in the way i and many others have done it) is NOT anything like prostitution in the Bible. in fact, dating was not really in that culture. parents chose spouses. may have been easier in some ways, but that isn't the culture we live in.

    there are also a number of benefits gained from dating. for young men, they can learn how to talk to a young woman one on one, how to treat her like a lady in terms of etiquette (opening doors for her, pulling her chair out when she sits at table, etc.) those are skills that need to be learned and hopefully will not stop when a person marries. if people are fearful of not being able to control their sexual urges, they can double date...but when a couple becomes serious, there are things they need to discuss that really don't need an audience.

    while it is true, i attended a high school and bible college where they had a "no-touch" rule, i'm not sure it is always the best idea. holding hands gives a connection and closeness that is good. is it the beginning of a slippery slope. yes. but there are a lot of things in life that fall into that category. We learn to stop them at an early point. in adulthood, there is a lot of spontaneous touching people do with others with whom they are not married and we need to learn not to get all twittery when it happens in social settings.

    while it sounds nice to say that we waited for GOD to send our spouse, often He uses dating...both miserable ones where we can't wait to get home from being with someone who is a complete bore to delightful ones from which we had low expectations b/c the guy was creative and had a side to him we didn't see everyday.

    don't throw out the baby with the bathwater. there are some wonderful things you can learn from dating...including how to say "no" if needed. sometimes that is important. there are guys that seem fine...until faced with "no". that is a side you need to see sooner rather than later.

    learning how to discern the good from the bad; the ones that YOU will enjoy from the ones that aren't the types you will want to be with for a lifetime. these are all important skills to learn for sure. sometimes, the only place to learn that is dating...not in a large group.

    you need to set the standard for yourself re what the touching rule is. that is fine. but not all dates end in bed as portrayed on TV! there are many of us, both my age and present youth, that date...and it is nothing like a prostitute!!! please don't paint all "daters" with that red brush.