Tuesday, July 10, 2012

A Broken Dream...That isn't so Broken

Every girl has dreams. Every girl has fantasies. Every girl has wants and desires.

 Four years ago, I was a 15 year old girl who wanted to travel across the world and do missions to help orphans, the famished and the homeless. 

Two Years ago, I was a 17 year old girl who wanted to grow up, marry a youth pastor and impact the youth of America. 

One year ago, I was a 18 year old high-school graduate who wanted to travel America, and preach the gospel of Christ through music and the word.

Four weeks ago, I turned 19. 

I was a 19 year old girl who was depressed and lost. A 19 year old girl who had so many dreams and fantasies to do big things. A 19 year old girl who was offered internships across the US, Missions trips across the world and coaching sports in my home town. I was the 19 year old Girl that had ALL THOSE DREAMS door....Closed. I didnt understand. I felt all alone.
It was then that I got on my face and gave it ALL to God. I became, Christ made me content with where he had me when handed it all over to him.

I believe when you finally let go and hand things over to God, He will then lead and guide.


I have a purpose that seems so small. petty.
A purpose that I thought was once VERY insignificant.
I have a purpose to serve God with where I am - not where I go.


 - God gave me 6 sisters under me that I need to live out Christ as an EXAMPLE for. That is a HUGE role that I once viewed so small and not very purposeful. Something he is Really challenging me with. I ALWAYS wanted a sister that I could look up to, mimic and follow. I want to be that for my sisters. A girl that they dont look at to be a "robotic Christian" but a Girl they see Joy, Faith and Christ in.

 - My life is for service. I need to Constantly be pouring my time and resources into my family and the people around me. I honestly feel that If I am not giving everything I have, all my time and energy, into serving, then I am being Lazy and apathetic. (This is a PERSONAL conviction). If I can't do it now, where I am, how will I do it anywhere else?

 - I am constantly looking for, and praying for, a MAN that lives up to the standards God has laid on my heart. I have to be a woman that will be suitable for this man. I need to devote more of my time to training to be that kind of woman and learning the things I would need to know as a spouse and possible future mother. I can for sure say that I lack in the area or "house-wife" skills. 
But I am learning. Christ is teaching me. Watching and listening is teaching me. My mom is teaching me.

 - I have a TON of spiritual Maturing to do. I can never settle with where I am. I need to constantly PRESS HARDER!

 - God has given me a burden for the young girls in my area and I need to act on that burden. He has given me/ blessed me with, spiritual wisdom in CERTAIN areas, I feel it is my job to share that or use that.

I have struggled so much with where God has called me to go and Find ministry or intern somewhere or go to a college. 
whether God has called me to stay where I am, learn and grow where I need to and wait for God to bring me a spouse or a ministry.

I have got a lot of faith in my God. 

Cant say I'm not doing any dreaming about what my life will look like a year from now because it is and will be completely Gods and where he wants me, 

Take Courage and seek Brothers, sisters. God will act and LEAD when you are ALL his and ready for him to lead IN HIS perfect timing.
Give it all to the HOLY ONE.