I feel like my mind wanders at night time. Many things enter and leave, but many things sit and stay and are pondered. The other night, something sat in my mind for hours. It all started around 11 o'clock Friday night. I was trying to get to bed at an early time, but instead, found myself sitting on my floor of my room watching my little sister (ava) sleep.
Memories from childhood flooded my mind. Sure, I am not that old yet, but I still like to think of childhood. ;)
Memories of my brothers and I going on bike rides, or playing leap frog in swamps. Having rock fights and playing cow boys and Indians, Long nights being naughty and staying up and talking in our cool little room with our race car bed. Oh boy, I can remember it all as if it were yesterday. My brothers and I were the coolest little trio. We had so much fun.
Looking back on all that got me thinking about my life now. How growing up between boys and not having an older sister (or really any sister my age) has molded me into the person I am today. I am not ashamed of the kind of girl I turned into at all. BUT, I remember always wishing I had an older sister. Especially now. I feel as if there are no girls out there that truly understand me for me- its Kind of a lonely feeling.
A question I always would ask God was "Why did you take my big sister from us?"
Thinking about all this hit a really, really tender spot of my heart that I didn't know existed.
I, Sarah, was THAT older sister for 6 other girls, and I was failing. That sister that I always wanted, my little sisters had, and I wasn't even close to the expectations I would have had of my older sister. How ashamed I was.
It's not about me anymore. It's not about what kind of life I WANT to live. It's not about what I like. Its about what I am supposed to do.
Sure, I may not like painting my nails or going to girly concerts, BUT, that is my job as a sister. Deny myself and BE THERE FOR THEM. Show them love. Let them know I care.
Pray for them.
Sing with them.
AND one that hit hard - Do devotions with them.
I can live out my faith and they can watch, but that personal level is what will change it and make it real to them.
Stop trying to be their friend and start being their sister.
They need you. and quite frankly, They want you. Even if they don't say it or show it.
I don't want to be a 'Good sister' I want to be a great one!
Meet my sisters