A Broken Dream...That isn't so Broken

Every girl has dreams. Every girl has fantasies. Every girl has wants and desires.

 Four years ago, I was a 15 year old girl who wanted to travel across the world and do missions to help orphans, the famished and the homeless. 


Two Years ago, I was a 17 year old girl who wanted to grow up, marry a youth pastor and impact the youth of America. 

One year ago, I was a 18 year old high-school graduate who wanted to travel America, and preach the gospel of Christ through music and the word.

Four weeks ago, I turned 19. 

I was a 19 year old girl who was depressed and lost. A 19 year old girl who had so many dreams and fantasies to do big things. A 19 year old girl who was offered internships across the US, Missions trips across the world and coaching sports in my home town. I was the 19 year old Girl that had ALL THOSE DREAMS door....Closed. I didnt understand. I felt all alone.
It was then that I got on my face and gave it ALL to God. I became, Christ made me content with where he had me when handed it all over to him.




I believe when you finally let go and hand things over to God, He will then lead and guide.

HE DID.

I have a purpose that seems so small. petty.
A purpose that I thought was once VERY insignificant.
I have a purpose to serve God with where I am - not where I go.


how?


 - God gave me 6 sisters under me that I need to live out Christ as an EXAMPLE for. That is a HUGE role that I once viewed so small and not very purposeful. Something he is Really challenging me with. I ALWAYS wanted a sister that I could look up to, mimic and follow. I want to be that for my sisters. A girl that they dont look at to be a "robotic Christian" but a Girl they see Joy, Faith and Christ in.


 - My life is for service. I need to Constantly be pouring my time and resources into my family and the people around me. I honestly feel that If I am not giving everything I have, all my time and energy, into serving, then I am being Lazy and apathetic. (This is a PERSONAL conviction). If I can't do it now, where I am, how will I do it anywhere else?


 - I am constantly looking for, and praying for, a MAN that lives up to the standards God has laid on my heart. I have to be a woman that will be suitable for this man. I need to devote more of my time to training to be that kind of woman and learning the things I would need to know as a spouse and possible future mother. I can for sure say that I lack in the area or "house-wife" skills. 
But I am learning. Christ is teaching me. Watching and listening is teaching me. My mom is teaching me.


 - I have a TON of spiritual Maturing to do. I can never settle with where I am. I need to constantly PRESS HARDER!


 - God has given me a burden for the young girls in my area and I need to act on that burden. He has given me/ blessed me with, spiritual wisdom in CERTAIN areas, I feel it is my job to share that or use that.

I have struggled so much with where God has called me to go and Find ministry or intern somewhere or go to a college. 

OR 

whether God has called me to stay where I am, learn and grow where I need to and wait for God to bring me a spouse or a ministry.

I have got a lot of faith in my God. 

Cant say I'm not doing any dreaming about what my life will look like a year from now because it is and will be completely Gods and where he wants me, 

Take Courage and seek Brothers, sisters. God will act and LEAD when you are ALL his and ready for him to lead IN HIS perfect timing.
Give it all to the HOLY ONE.

...Biblical Woman.....

Often times I find myself fantasizing, if that's even a good word for it, to my mom on what kinda wife or mom I will be someday. 

Her opinion and mine never quit match up. As silly as that sounds. haha. 

Sometimes She says I will be an irresponsible mother, I always have to remind her that mother hood is years down the road for me, and plus, with a mom like her, I can always send my kids to her for their "Fix-Ups" ;)

 Then she tells me that marriage life is something you learn as your married, and then, something I have heard from many woman, marriage is "Harder then you think" 

Quite frankly, I believe that its hard, I mean how can dying to self and living sacrificially for another be..."Easy." Well, Something I DO KNOW is God knows the desires of my heart as far as 'How I wanna conduct myself and what kind wife and mother I desire to be' And, I believe if i continue to seek him, he will fulfill that and make that marriage life "easy and Enjoyable" :)

You see, I was reading through the new testament and I came to Titus 2. Ahh yes, You all now know where I am going with this blog. 

Basically I have many many thought on the passage and even listened to a sermon on it just the other  night. Therefore, I just have to share my thoughts and challenge the older woman with WHO they Biblically NEED to and are SUPPOSED to be. Challenge the younger woman/girls...*ahem* me, With what we need to be, and challenge the men (if I have any male readers) of what kind of wife you should look for....A biblical one. As seen below.

Now I feel kinda weird writing a blog on this saying I am Not an "Older woman", I am not married, or even in a relationship for that matter, and i am not a man looking for a wife, But, I do feel everything God has taught me and is showing me is biblical and really cool, hence, me sharing. :)

Titus 2:  ³ Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine,but to teach what is good. ⁴ Then they can Train the younger women to love their husbands and children, ⁵ to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be submissive to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

³ Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, 

What is reverence? 

     Reverence is being Appropriate. A reverent Woman has a Meek and quiet spirit. Now This does not mean she has no personality, because, quite frankly, if that's what It meant, I would have a TON of work to do. It is more referring to an Under-control, wise, personality. A Reverent woman does not draw attention to herself. This is not just referring to dress but also refers to words and actions. 

However, A woman dresses the way she feels clearly shows what she thinks is most important thing about herself.

A Reverent woman Conduct ones self in a way that brings God honor, Not self satisfaction. She also Conducts self with understanding of Gods KNOWING and ALL SEEING presence.

teach what is good.

   The woman is the primary instructor. A Woman not committed to teaching IN HOME isn't valuable. Children need hands on Education and DISCIPLESHIP. Now I dont think this is stating the fact that "If you aren't homeschooling, Your not a good mom". I Do believe tho that God clearly states that "A child should be brought up in the way that he should go." and what better way to show them then by schooling them on your own, building character, relationships and discipleship.

love their husbands and children With an AGAPE, Christ like, sacrificial Love.

Love is an act of the will accompanied by action on behalf of its object.

 - Voddie Bauchman

Selfcontroled - Again, Reverence. 

Pure- Purity is not " not sexually "taking it all the way"" Purity is an action, thought, The way you live and carry ones self. The way you show feelings and emotion. 

Live in a blameless way.

Busy at Home...No priority supersedes her priority of home. Home is her "place to work". Her job is to Shape WORLD CHANGERS.

If a Woman does her role, man can do his to full potential then together raise and grow AS MANY ARROWS to Gods Glory. - Voddie

This War is real and God isn't saying "have an "American family" (1 girl for her, 1 guy for him) "Give me as Little ammunition as you can". No, He wants a  HUGE army and he wants them sharp and well trained == discipleship.

Kind and Submissive - 

A woman has a hard time with submission to her husband because of two things. 

1- Pride, and 2- lack of Submission is how our culture was raised. 

Woman, in this generation, were raised like men who are biologically capable to have children. They conduct themselves like men, Loud, Inappropriate, through their conduct and dress, un-submissive, having to care for self and work way to the TOP. 

- Voddie Bauchman

God has so much to say about what A BIBLICAL woman of Himself really is. Not only "looks like" but truly "IS." 

I pray Older woman in the church will live in this way and also "Teach younger Woman (me) TO BE..." 

I want to SEE what it looks like and be Taught how to do it. 

Being Different Made a Difference.

"Everyone is different." 

Boy, what a pretty obvious quote. I mean, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to go to work, school, or the grocery store to realize this statement is true. Everyone is very different in their own, unique, special way.

While growing up, different aspects of my life lead to me desiring to be very different then those around me. I tried really hard to stand out. I desired to be "liked" by certain people, to be "known for something", and to "be good at this or that." 

No longer do I think as a child. I have put childish things away and now think with a spirit of maturity given by God. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I do still desire to be different, Very different. But not in the selfish foolish ways I used to. I desire to be a Woman of God. That, my friend, sadly, is very different from a lot of people I know. Something I desire to be with all my heart.

Often when I am kneeling before my God in prayer, I find myself praying something that sounds all to similar to my last prayer and those prayers before. I kinda find myself in a pleading sense.  

I am Desperate.

What am I desperate for? To be a Woman of God. 

 Never once did I ever think God would have enough Grace and Love to get me to the point that I was desperate to be A woman of God, A woman flooded with his spirit. 

Because of this Desire I have prayed a great deal more. I have sought a Great deal harder. - And God has revealed something to me. Instead of wanting to be a Woman of God and...That's it. It ending there, at it being just a mere desire, I Try as hard As I can to achieve it, grasp it, fight for it.

I am doing that very thing. I Have written up a resolve for my life. I resolve to fight for Christs Spirit, a Resolve to be different - and through being different, Make a difference!

Here is my Resolve...

I Sarah Kathryn McCarthy do solemnly resolve before God, My family, and Friends that....

- I will  embrace my current season of life and live with a spirit of contentment. 

- I will live as a woman answerable to God and Faithful to his word.

- I will be quick to listen, slow to speak and esteem others more highly then myself.

- I will be faithfully patient to my Lord in waiting for my future spouse.

- I will forgive those who have wronged me and reconcile with those I have wronged.

- I will not tolerate evil influences in myself or my home, but will embrace a life of purity.

- I will pursue justice, love mercy and extend compassion toward others.

- I will not dwell on negatives, but instead be driven off the positives and the joy brought with them.

- I will commit myself to learning "skills" that can help me impact his kingdom.

- I will make today's decisions with tomorrows impact in mind.

In no way is this going to be easy. 

In no way could I, a wretched person, even be able to desire these things.

In no way could I know what this will look like.

BUT

God has given us a Spirit of Hope.

God said he is faithful to finish the good work he has started in us.

God said he will lead us and never leave us. 

God said that I can do all things through him that gives me strength.

God is good.

I am willing to fight the world, AND MY FLESH, to be able to attain these God given Characteristics. 

Take a challenge my friends, Hold me accountable to these things. Challenge me. Encourage me.

Then, Get on your face before your God and ask him what he wants to change in you. Make your own "Resolve to change". Then, take Faith!

Dear Mommy....

Mothers Day ....

     -That one day of the Year that Moms are shown the true appreciation they deserve. 

     -The one time a year that every kid get out a piece of paper and writes a letter to ‘The Best Mom       

           In the World’.

     - That one time a year that teens give their mom a hug. 

     -That one time a year that Adults call their mom or even tell them that they love them.

Not this year for me.

I think that a true appreciation for ones mom comes from maturity with age and understanding. I can honestly say that I have ALWAYS Loved my mom and really appreciated her, but not till this past year have I realized how much I really appreciate her how much she means to me.

Let me introduce to you my mom…

My Mom has a daily sacrificial attitude. – She constantly is sacrificing her time and desires to mother, care for, love, and raise her 10 children up in the way of the Lord. This is something I wish to one day attain, That, I know for a fact, I don’t have right now – One full day of babysitting all the kids is enough for me, It’s a lifestyle for her.

My Mom loves the Lord her God with all her heart, soul, mind and strength. – and evidently shows and shares it with her family. She takes her ‘Get ready for the day time’ to sing, pray and teach them in the word before anything else.

My Mom has laid down her life. – Just like Jesus gave his whole life time to teach the disciples and people, My mom is giving her whole life as a sacrifice to the Lord to raise little Christ like followers. Her kids are her ministry field. -She is training little warriors to go out and fight the battle for the Lord.

My Mom has taught me how to be a pure and blameless Woman of God. – God has taught me more this past year then through my whole life, and my mom was always there to encourage me, remind me of Gods promises and give me someone to hug. She has taught me, and all the better, SHOWN ME, what It looks like to Love, follow and Lead like a woman of God.

My Mom is one Hot Babe. – C’mon, She has had 10 kids and could pass as my sister. haha ;)

My Mom has a passion to minister and encourage the lost, burdened and single moms of Today.

My Mom is the kind of mom that I can only wish to ever be. - Her patience, Love, Sacrifice and the Christ in her inspires me to be the best mom I can be one day. – and not to be just a Good mom who does what she thinks it best for her kids and gives them what they want, but a mom that will be willing to ‘be the bad guy’ to help them learn what they need to.

I cannot write any or all of this about my mom and leave out one HUGE fact about her... I know she would be devastated beyond all belief if I wrote all this about her and left this very one thing out. – My mom is who she is and does what she does, because of Christ. Christ lives and dwells in her. By no means could she ever desire to have 10 kids, to have the patience to raise them or the Love to love them.  Our God, Jesus Christ, flows out of her and controls her.

 My mom is who she is Because Of Christ.

Dear Mom,

I want to wish you an EVER so happy mother’s day! I have reason to believe that you’re getting a lot more loving this mother’s day  then a lot of other moms, I mean come on, there are a lot more of us to love you. ;) Do Know, that even though I have been cursed with the lacking the actions it takes to really showing how I feel sometimes, I do love you, very, very much.  I look up to you as a mother, friend, and role- model. Keep letting the Lord do his mighty works through you and never get discouraged or give up.

Your Daughter,

Sarah

 p.s - I Picked you some of your favorite flowers. :)

Check out her Blog at www.septembermccarthy.com. J

The “Radical” “Dater"

I found myself sitting at a table all wide eyed. My chin is resting on my hands and a smile is across my face waiting in anticipation for the next part of the story. A young couple telling me how they met. The ins and outs and what led to them meeting. Sometimes it’s a blind date, sometimes it’s through friends. All sorts of stories cross my path.

Joy then flows out of them as they look at each other, deeply in love, telling me about their glorious wedding day. They cover every last detail, from the excitement that hit them their wedding day morning, to the scent of the flowers, the color of the wedding and the thoughts that fled their mind as they stood in front of all their friends and family, vowing themselves to each other.

“This was by far the BEST (as they each overly emphasized this word) day of my life” This was something they would all say.

All the sudden the mood starts to change as I ask them about their past, If they were in relationships before?.. or if they did anything they regret and wish they could change? So often, an awkward mellowness floods the room as they share their past with me. Never once have I met someone who, when I asked this, said that they wish had they dated and slept around with more people. This is something they (many different couples) look back at their past and regret. Words that tend to leave their mouth… “I wish I would have never dated” or “I wish I waited for my future spouse” or “Why Did I give away my heart and time on them”, “ My marriage could be so much stronger and more beautiful if I didn’t have all that baggage”

The truth that was already made real to me was confirmed...we get one chance to find that person to spend the rest of our life with… We can’t mess it up because of our desires or impatience.

I also learned that the closest thing the in bible to dating was prostitution. True fact.

So often we convince ourselves that there is no one out there that will have this view, so we don’t take hold of it ourselves. Guess what? That’s a lie, God has that person already picked out and when they have this same view, it will help raise your expectations to the next level….and pick them out of the crowd.

Want some Hope? Read about the first Love story and how God worked it out. Genesis 2

Vs. 18- “It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him”

Now, this verse is speaking of man, but I believe it applies to both man and women. The point I got out of this is …God does not expect you to live life alone- He did not make you to live life alone.

But God didn't just see that man was alone and know that he needed a helper and then not do anything about it. We serve a God far too great for that.

Vs. 21- “So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up the place in the flesh.”

There are a few KEY things you can take out of this verse.

You. You are dreaming of that special person. You have expectations and characteristics you expect to see. You may merely dream about them while you sleep. You could almost look at Adam doing this same thing. While he was in a DEEP sleep and could have very well been dreaming of that “special someone” God promised him. God was creating his future wife. He was forming her, working out Adams desires….While he was sleeping.

Another key point to get out of this is that- Eve was made from Adams Rib. Adam was not in his entirety without her. Same thing goes for you. You will not be in your entirety till you meet this ONE special person and are made one (marriage). Why try to find that other part of you when the Lord is merely creating them, and will merely work it out to his Good? Be patient and wait on the Lord.

And Girls – God designed the Man to find you, don’t go out looking.

Vs. 25 – “Man and Women were both naked and were not ashamed.”

Man and women were naked. – Open with each other, honest, up front…And they were not ashamed. Your future spouse is someone you can be open with. Honest with. You don’t need to hide anything from them.

Want to read a Love story about a Man who waited on the Lord to bring him his wife? A man who didn't go out and date all these other girls, A man who had faith and patience in his God and in the End was brought a prized jewel? Read Genesis 24. It talks about Isaac and Rebekah.  AMAZING Love story.

God is faithful.

God has made a promise to you.

God does not tend to leave you alone.

God does not act differently now than he did in the bible, he is never changing. So don’t let yourself think that he can’t still work things out now like he did then. Never lack faith that God will work it out by just being patient and waiting on him.

If you aren’t completely satisfied with being Alone (single) and just relying on your God, You are not ready for a relationship. Complete satisfaction in God comes first. That’s what makes for a healthy, biblical relationship….The foundation.

Young kids- If you take on this belief of faith in your God and live a radically different life, You WILL get criticized for it. You will be told that God doesn’t work like that. Be radical. Be different. Be…Biblical. This blog post is not an inspirational speech on dating for you. It is all biblical. Something that is merely impossible to contain or find satisfaction in without a true relationship with the Lord. I am not saying all ‘Believers’ will hold this view, I am saying that the joy and peace that come with this view can’t be understood or granted to one who does not have a personal relationship with the Lord.

A challenge that I took upon myself and I think every reader should as well….

Get a piece of paper…But not any old piece of paper. Get a really nice, special piece of paper. On one side of the paper, write a letter to the Lord. Tell him how in love with him you are. How patiently you are going to wait on him. How you have Faith that He WILL (and he really will) Lead your spouse to you. Then, on the other side of that same piece of paper, write a letter to your future spouse. Tell them how eagerly you await their arrival. How you will (if you really, honestly will) wait for them -to give them the whole package, with your heart and body entirely there, just for them.  Then, save the letter for them and whether the day you get engaged or the night of your wedding, give it to them, Showing your ‘Before meeting them commitment’ and patient, committed Love toward them. It will be a special time.

Then, Pray. - - -Pray for strength, love, and satisfaction from the Lord to fill you and flood you.

Have faith, Brother.

Have faith, Sister.

We serve a BIG God.

Embracing your role of Sisterhood

Ha! I don't even know how I am writing this post. In a way, it seems kind of silly to me. but in other ways, it is something that is sort of a tender spot to my heart.

I feel like my mind wanders at night time. Many things enter and leave, but many things sit and stay and are pondered. The other night, something sat in my mind for hours. It all started around 11 o'clock Friday night. I was trying to get to bed at an early time, but instead, found myself sitting on my floor of my room watching my little sister (ava) sleep.
Memories from childhood flooded my mind. Sure, I am not that old yet, but I still like to think of childhood. ;) 
Memories of my brothers and I going on bike rides, or playing leap frog in swamps. Having rock fights and playing cow boys and Indians, Long nights being naughty and staying up and talking in our cool little room with our race car bed. Oh boy, I can remember it all as if it were yesterday. My brothers and I were the coolest little trio. We had so much fun.

Looking back on all that got me thinking about my life now. How growing up between boys and not having an older sister (or really any sister my age) has molded me into the person I am today. I am not ashamed of the kind of girl I turned into at all. BUT, I remember always wishing I had an older sister. Especially now. I feel as if there are no girls out there that truly understand me for me- its Kind of a lonely feeling.
A question I always would ask God was "Why did you take my big sister from us?"

Thinking about all this hit a really, really tender spot of my heart that I didn't know existed.
I, Sarah, was THAT older sister for 6 other girls, and I was failing. That sister that I always wanted, my little sisters had, and I wasn't even close to the expectations I would have had of my older sister. How ashamed I was.


It's not about me anymore. It's not about what kind of life I WANT to live. It's not about what I like. Its about what I am supposed to do.
Sure, I may not like painting my nails or going to girly concerts, BUT, that is my job as a sister. Deny myself and BE THERE FOR THEM. Show them love. Let them know I care.
Pray for them.
Sing with them.
AND one that hit hard - Do devotions with them.
I can live out my faith and they can watch, but that personal level is what will change it and make it real to them.
 Stop trying to be their friend and start being their sister.

They need you. and quite frankly, They want you. Even if they don't say it or show it.

I don't want to be a 'Good sister' I want to be a great one!

Meet my sisters

The Valley of Desperation

The clock read 12:53....
The night air was cold, the moon was shining ,and the stars were twinkling. I was all alone. My family all lie asleep in their beds as I sat there....on the roof.
My roof is my place of peace. I go there when I am happy. When I am sad. When I am seeking. And, I often I find myself there when I am finding.
Quite frankly, this time, I found myself...depressed. Kinda worthless.
I found myself..... in the valley of Desperation. 


 Each of us come from many walks of life. We have many different things taking place and happening in our lives. Sometimes, things no one else can understand, no matter how hard they try. But, tho we all have such different circumstances, for each one of us, God's Children, He wants to get us to the top of the highest mountain. You see, We will have to climb many mountains to get there. There will be a lot of seeking and a lot of things will happen that we aren't expecting. We climb these mountains by faith. 

But then, Sometimes we go through valleys. Valleys that prepare us to climb the mountain ahead. Valleys that seem dry and weary. Valleys filled with fog. A thick cloud we cant see through. You don't know how long the valley is or when you will reach the mountain. You can't see your next step. You can't see through the fog. Yet, You have faith that your father is right there next to you, leading you.
He is.

  
  "I will never leave you or forsake you" (Heb 13:5)

As I sit there, on my roof, I begin to feel tears trickling down my face. I look up into the heavens just calling out to my God. So many things left my mouth...

"Lord, Why have you left me here alone?"

" I have such a willing and eager heart to serve you, why do you keep closing all my doors?"

"You say that the Joy you give us is your strength, Where is my strength Lord?"

"Lord, I know you have a plan for my life. This cannot be it"

I begin to listen to these words leaving my mouth. Tears flow from my eyes even faster. Why am I not content and faithful with where I am? What are you trying to teach me"prepare me for" for climbing that next mountain ahead? 

Words began flowing from my mouth again. Words much different from the first. Words with a beautiful melody. Words that I learned as a small child and often looked past the meaning of them... Words like these....

"My God is so good. God is so good. God is so good, He's so good to me.

He Loves me so. He loves me so. He loves me so, cuz He's so good to me.

He cares for me. He cares for me. He cares for me, cuz He's so good to me."

During these times, I sometimes struggle to remember God’s promise to me and you.  And yet that is exactly what faith calls for and requires.  It is easy to hold on and celebrate God’s plans when the picture to the natural man looks rosy and wonderful.  It is faith to look for the light even through those valleys of Desperation.  It is faith to say and hold to saying and choosing to the Father when he says to me and to you: “

I know the plans I have for you,

declares the Lord,

plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you hope and a future.

Lord, I believe – Help my unbelief

""Lead me in your way everlasting."(Pslam 139:24) Lead me through this valley and prepare me for the mountain ahead"